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Chapter 161 - At Home
"Mary, you're uncharacteristically quiet. Are you alright?" Mason sat down next to Mary on the sofa and gently grabbed her shoulders.
"I'm fine." Mary cannot help but lean into his warm hand and sighed. "Just... seems it's too much for me. And are you alright?" She quickly looked up to his face. "It's was a quite shock for you to find these things about your mother".
Mason frowned. "I do not know," he admitted. "I do not want to talk about".
"Well, then we will not. Just... Mason, don't shut me out, okay? Don't keep it to yourself".
Mason nodded and took another sip of brandy. Then he stands up and looked down at Mary.
"The fact is, Mary, I do feel nothing. Absolutely nothing", he shrugged. "I numbed."
"I guess a numb better than a pain."
"If only the latter will not follow it..."
Mason waited for Mary to say something but she was thoughtfully silent.
"Perhaps we would be better if we trade places. I got too many feelings after this journey."
"What are feelings?" He looked at her.
"Bitterness. Fear. Offense... how could my mother keep the truth from us? Why?"
"I think she was afraid".
"Mason, do you think she... and Sophia are in danger?"
"I do not know," Mason admitted after a pause. "More likely "no" than "yes". After all these years... But I'm not going to tolerate risks. Believe me, my father and I, we are going do the best to protect all of you".
"Just think about it!" Mary suddenly smiled weakly. "I and Sophia are relatives, even if distant. By the way, remember our deductions based on why-the-people-keeps-old-photos?"
"Yes, I do..." Mason said, remembering the episode too. "Back then we touched many reasons but we forgot the strongest die-hard factor, it's a love!"
"Even the great lawyers had ups and downs".
"Alas. But the last thing I could imagine was such relationships and motives".
"Me too. I just knew that my mother had a hard time as a child. She brought up by her father who was gone a lot. She told us that sometimes she had lived alone for months like an adult even though she was still a girl. However, then my grandfather married for the second time, and her life become much easier".
"Do you remember your grandparents?" Mason asked suddenly.
"Barely. They'd lived far away, somewhere in Florida," Mary shook her head. "I was a little when they died in the train disaster. I remember that it happened shortly before my dad's illness. My mother said it was a blow after blow. And the parents of my father, I do not remember much about them. Perhaps, they died even earlier. And do you remember your grandparents?"
"Yes... My parental grandfather died when I was at school. He lived with us, ruling the Capwell Empire with his iron fist. He and my father often quarreled... and every time my grandfather went to his study and sat there, sipping the brandy. Often I made my way and squatted next to his chair. He was always smiling, you know. Not to me, just staring into the space. I think he enjoyed with these quarrels. And he always won".
"Was he single? Your grandmother died young too?"
"Yes. And my grandfather never remarried as far as I know".
"Your maternal grandparents?"
"They occasionally visited us but I remember them vaguely. Hereditary aristocracy... my maternal grandfather despised my father and treated him like a rich plebeian. He looked down at him as if CC Capwell was not even worth the dirt under his feet. However, he and my grandmother were very nice with me," Mason told thoughtfully and then suddenly said: "I hated them".
"Why?" Mary surprised.
"Grandma Charlotte vehemently demanded that I had the black pudding for breakfast. This full English breakfast turned my stomach out. I just could not wait when they leave. Although even then..."
"What?" Mary encouraged him after a few minutes of silence.
"Then I smothered the pride and appealed to them for help in the search for my mother".
"And you did not get an answer?" Mary laced her fingers with Mason's ones.
"No, I got the one. True, not from my grandparents. From my uncle. It's three-farewell to honor traditions of my great British ancestors and the small postscript that the whereabouts of my mother he is not aware unfortunately".
"Wait. So you are a descendant of the British aristocracy?" Mary realized suddenly.
"From some decayed, half-vanished family of landlords, but yes. I guess, you would find "x" number of my cousins and aunt-cousins in London. My mother was only person of her family who moved to US".
"Oh, so she simply returned to her hometown after she divorced CC".
"Yes. And then she decided to raise my brother as a perfect British gentleman".
"Charlie is so cute boy," Mary smiled. "May be too his own. By the way, I wonder why your British relatives are not taken him under their wing".
"I think it's the same reason that they stopped to visit us. Perhaps, my mother's mental illness hurt their aristocratic pride".
"Mason..."
"It's OK, Mary. I'm perfectly fine".
"Why are you saying this?"
Mason did not answer. They both were silent for a moment.
"Let go the past, Mason," Mary finally said softly.
"What is the past?" He looked up her somewhat surprised.
"Your past.... You cannot... fix it. It happened for a long time. Very long time".
"I can not forget it like a charm!"
"Not forget. But sometimes... you're like a crying little boy ".
Mason stood up and walked to the window.
"Thanks a bunch," he said with obvious sarcasm.
"I do not mean that you're acting like a child," Mary continued to watch him from her spot on the sofa.
"So how?" Mason still not turned to her.
"He's in you, Mason. This Boy. Like the little Girl is in me. They're like ghosts but sometimes seem to be very real.... And they feel very emotional. Like all children. And we have been connected with them by invisible cords and feeling their pain as our own".
"I thought it's me who has bad heritance to mental illness. Boys, girls, ghosts... Mary, what are you on about? My mother is a mental patient. She tried to drown me in the lake".
"I know. And this is what I'm saying. The boy who crying with fear and cold in the black water... you feels his pain. But it's a phantom pain".
"No, it's real!" Mason's voice soared.
"You can see its reasons," Mary so longed to get up and hug Mason but she held back. She's just afraid that her actions would be too big shock for Mason. She could not allow him to dive into the maelstrom of feelings. So Mary clenched her fists to whitening fingers and continued: "Back then you're a child and barely understood what's happening. You were hurt and scared; you longed to go home. This had actually been your pain. But now you are re-estimating the incident, your adult brain gives it a different painful assessment so you're experiencing one-two punch. Stop that. You're not being able to comfort the boy who is crying in you. It's impossible. You cannot change the past".
"I cannot change my feelings, Mary. Although God knows I would want to".
"I did not ask that. Just change the angle of your view. That boy is not you now. It's not you who hurt and scared in the lake water. That happened for a long time ago".
Mason finally turned and looked down at her.
"If I knew how to do this..." he almost whispered.
"You're a lawyer. The logician. This problem has a solution. Just look for it".
Mason nodded, then went back to the sofa and sat down. Mary gave a deep sigh and finally opened her clenched fingers. Mason frowned and took her hand. Mary's palms had visible red semicircles of her dig nails. He put her hand to his lips.
"Are you're going to save me even from myself?"
Mary smiled slightly. "Gender parity, you know, the emancipation... You already did it for me, remember?"
"I remember. Hardly ever forget. I love you, Mary".
"I know. I love you too, Mason. You're everything to me".
The sweet kiss threatened to take a long time if they were not stopped by howling child's voice: "Mo-ommy! My to-offee me-elted!"
Mason gave a long-suffering sigh. Mary got up and picked up her daughter who was smeared in brown sticky stuff. The next half hour was passed in clearing up melted sweeties on two children - yes, two ones because the parents quickly found out that the children shared the toffees. So they were in need to change all bed linen also.
"Where they managed to find toffees!" Mason groaned, rubbing his stiff neck and sitting on the bed in the master bedroom. "We'd even had none!"
"Chip said that my mother gave them toffees today when she came here. I'll talk to her".
"Do you want to leave her grandchildren with no sweets?"
"No, just limit them with eating sweets in the presence of their grandmother. In any case it's bad for their teeth, Mason! Oh no," she looked up and saw Mason's face. "Don't tell me that you..."
"All children love sweets", he waved off awkwardly. "Yes, I loved toffees as a child. And you did not?"
"I do not remember," Mary frowned. "No, as far as I remember I was indifferent to toffees. But chocolate roses... m-mm!" She closed her eyes dreamily.
"Oh, I just see the little girl who eating chocolate roses and dancing in her mother's shoes in front of the mirror!" Mason grabbed Mary and pinned her to the bed. "Do not deny it. The girl is here now!"
"I plead guilty, Mr. Capwell!" Mary kissed him on the lips. "You just found out my secret and its hiding place".
"I adore you. You and secret places of your heart", Mason returned the kiss. "It's so rare when you're allowing me discover any of them so it's feels as a treasure... some beautiful thing like a star..."
"Mason!
"What?
"Shut up and kiss me!"
And now there was no one to interrupt them.
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